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VICARS TO HAVE 'FULL OF SHIT' STAMPED ON FOREHEAD

CHURCH of England vicars are to have the phrase 'full of shit' stamped on their foreheads, it was confirmed last night.

Nice and simple

As vicars called for the labelling of gays, the Church agreed to a reciprocal arrangement which will see every Anglican priest branded with indelible ink.

A Church spokesman said: "We arrived at 'full of shit' after an extensive public consultation. Other popular suggestions were 'Ever so creepy' and 'I'm hard for Jesus'."

Secular campaigners also want the vicars to hand out a leaflet explaining why everything they believe is based on an ancient voodoo text, not a word of which is true, and that it would be perfectly understandable if you want to punch them repeatedly in the face.

But in a quid-pro-quo, the Church is demanding tattoos for homosexuals and pre-marital fornicators who must also have their buttocks inscribed with the date and time of each of their sinful penetrations.

The spokesman added: "The actual 'gay' tattoo should be on the hand or forearm rather than the buttocks. If two men are down to their bare bottoms, the gayness is probably a given at that point."

Meanwhile, social workers have called for some vicars to carry additional messages including 'not to be left alone with boys' and 'hard-drive checked by police'.

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